planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
