I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My ass is underappreciated
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
