No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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