You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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