So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
