Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
