how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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