1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
