All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
