I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
