i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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