Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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