OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
