You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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