Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
