Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
