Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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