All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
