is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Semen is not good for contacts.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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