I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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