First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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