Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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