If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
