I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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