They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
