how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
