I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
