i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
