You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
