Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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