i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
