she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
