i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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