You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Randomize
