when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
