when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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