umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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