careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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