I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
