Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
