I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
