This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
