Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
