Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
