Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
