Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My penis needs a shock collar
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
