Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
