Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
