my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
