i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
