hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
