I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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