She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
