home. puking in laundry basket.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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