I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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