I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
