Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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