Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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