I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina is officially offended.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
