Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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