I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
