I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
