If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please don't give away my fajitas
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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