Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize