and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
