Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
