I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
