She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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