So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
