if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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