So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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